by currantdesignsllc | May 11, 2017 | Self-Help
When was the last time you did something fun? I’ll bet a bunch of you are exasperated by that question. “Fun?! Who has time for fun?” This response tells me a few things: 1. You don’t have much fun and 2. You don’t see the value in it. We tend to believe we must get all of our work finished before we can have fun. The problem is, our work is never really finished. As soon as we complete one project another is creeping into the spotlight, and another, and another… If you wait until you are finished with all of your work before you have fun, you aren’t going to have fun.
Allowing time for fun rejuvenates us and prepares us for more effective time use. When we slog through work with the thought, “One day I’ll get to have some fun” we are actually less productive than if we incorporate fun into our life. Having fun is part of self care and self care is crucial if you want to lead a healthy, balanced life. So, what will you do today for fun?
by currantdesignsllc | Nov 18, 2016 | Acceptance, Boundaries, co-dependency, Emotional Healing, Growth, Healing, Recovery, Relationships, Self-Help
Self-love is critical if we want to enjoy this life and relationships. Some wonder if self-love is selfish, “Is it really ok to put myself first? Won’t people who need me get mad about that and tell me I’m being self-centered?” Yes and yes. In order for us to be able to authentically love others and truly be there for and with them, we must have that love for ourselves. We can’t give what we do not have. Not everyone will appreciate your self-love. Some will challenge you if you say no to them so you can take care of yourself, especially if people are used to you saying yes all the time. When we say yes to someone or something, we are saying no to someone or something else. If the no has been for yourself, then the switch to yes for yourself is going to feel strange and wrong. The people you were always saying yes to will tell you that you are wrong. That dynamic will mess with you and your journey toward self-love.
How do you navigate this journey toward self-love? Start by being aware of your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations in your body. Just notice yourself. Notice what you like and what you don’t like. When you are eating ask yourself if you like what you are eating. Does it taste good to you? Does it feel good in your mouth, going down and settling in? When you bathe, do you like the method; shower or bath, warm or cold? Ask yourself these questions with everything you do in your life. If you run into hurdles and can’t answer or the answering becomes emotionally painful for you, you may need the help of a professional therapist. Ask if he/she will guide you toward self-love, awareness, mindfulness and boundaries.
Once you are aware of what you like and don’t like, it’s time to start voicing it. “I started listening to myself and have discovered I don’t like this. I’m not going to do it (eat it…) anymore.” There are some limits here. If you have a baby and don’t like getting up in the middle of the night to feed or change him or her, sorry! Some things we must do. If you don’t like your job, I don’t suggest quitting until you find another job you like better if you don’t have any reserves to tide you over until you find a job you like. If you don’t like driving the speed limit, again, sorry! Some things are have-to’s because of morals, laws and positions we have put ourselves in. Beyond those areas, there are a lot of other areas where you have the choice, so exercise your choice in those areas. This self-love action will fill you up to deal with the areas you can’t change because it’s not legal, healthy or wise to change them.
If you have always bailed out your alcoholic brother, it is not wise for you to continue; although your brother will tell you that you are selfish not to help him. He is not a helpless baby. He is an adult who is making unwise choices because of his addiction. It is up to him to decide to deal with it. Not you. You can say no. “I love you. It is not my job to take care of you. You are an adult and it is up to you to go get help. I will help you find an AA meeting, but it’s up to you to make sure you get there and keep going.” (You could go if you want to. Also, you don’t have to help him find the AA meeting. That’s your decision.)
This is just the beginning of your journey toward self-love. Get started on it…it will be the best decision you ever made for yourself (and ultimately everyone around you!).
by currantdesignsllc | Sep 10, 2015 | Emotional Healing, Growth, Healing, Recovery
Do something today that restores your body, mind and soul!
by currantdesignsllc | Jun 5, 2014 | Self-Help
Some say I shouldn’t write about my personal experiences. That you don’t want to read them. But others have said you identify with my experiences and when I tell you about my crap you feel better about yours. So today is for those of you who want to feel better. Last week I wrote about making sure we’re taking care of ourselves. I was reminded that sometimes, despite taking care of ourselves, we still have really bad moments or days. I was reminded of this by my own experience. I have been intentional about taking care of myself. Despite that, on Saturday I had what I like to call a downward spiral. Later, after sifting through the debris of the day, I started calling it my “2 year old day”. I had an internal temper tantrum, the kind you see a two year old throwing when she doesn’t get to have the cookie she wants. Outwardly, my husband was the only one who received any direct hits from my 2 year old. It wasn’t catastrophic on the surface. What he experienced from me was hurtful but did not accurately reflect the intensity registering on the internal richter scale. I could have destroyed him if it had.
It was all about a wicker love seat. Yes, that was my cookie. It was at a garage sale, in excellent shape and only $20. In the end, it was sold literally out from under me. I am generally not super attached to things. For some reason, and without any warning signs, something inside me snapped. I could feel myself recognizing the healthy ways to process this and yet watching myself choose a different path. I kept to myself most of the day. I warned my husband to steer clear of me, that I was very negative. Sunday morning, I woke up to internal peace. As I sat outside, drinking my ritual tea and feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, I soaked in some reality. I read Melody Beattie’s “Language of Letting Go” and realized I had been too attached to an outcome – getting my way – and that ultimately, I didn’t trust God.
This wasn’t about a wicker loveseat, it was about the part of me that likes to control things and make them happen my way. The part that rebels and pushes hard sometimes against reality. Reality is we have little control of the goings on in the world. Not that we shouldn’t stand up for things we believe in, but that we can’t ultimately control the world, even our small corner. Control is an illusion. What happens when you don’t get your way? Your negative reactions to things not going your way are a sign that you are too attached to how things are going to play out. Let’s say you want a significant person in your life to appreciate all the hard work you put in each day but you don’t hear the appreciation. Being hurt is natural but how far do you go with it? Do you yell at the person? Do you tell him how horrible he is because he isn’t responding the way you want? Do you punish him with silence? There you go, you’re attached to an outcome: how he responds.
My temper tantrum came out of a build-up of disappointing outcomes. Maybe I wasn’t taking as good of care as I thought. Maybe I haven’t been acknowledging and processing my unmet expectations. How can this help you? For now, simply notice your own attachments to how things work out or how people respond. Ask yourself what you are feeling, wanting, thinking and feeling physically. Keep track of what you discover. Next week, I’ll post a follow-up so you know what to do with your disappointing outcomes.
by currantdesignsllc | May 30, 2014 | Boundaries, Emotional Healing, Growth, Healing, Processing Thoughts and Emotions, Recovery, Relationships
The journey toward healing, integration and growth takes everything we’ve got. The journey is often frustrating. We can see the changes we want to make, yet repeatedly find ourselves in old patterns. When I’m in that frustrating place, one of the questions I ask myself is, “How are you doing with taking care of yourself?” Usually, the answer is, “Not very good.”
Our needs never go away. In order for us to be more effective at living and relating in healthy ways, we must take in good stuff to give us the fuel we need to stay on the journey. Taking care of ourselves means meeting our needs in four areas: spiritual, physical, mental and relational. What do these look like in real life?
Meeting our spiritual needs includes meditation, prayer, studying what you believe and understanding why you believe it, and participating in the various ways you connect within your type of spiritual beliefs.
Our bodies need movement. Exercising and stretching our muscles keeps our various body systems functioning well. Eating a diet consisting of a variety of real, minimally processed food is key to fueling our bodies and providing key nutrients for growth, renewal and optimal health. Getting enough sleep each night is crucial for our entire being to get recharged.
Our brains, which include the intellectual and emotional systems need both fuel and exercise. As it is not good for our bodies to be sedentary, our minds need regular stimulation. We learn through reading, hearing and doing. Stretch your brain by taking in knowledge and playing brain games. Our emotions are equally important, not just the intellectual/data/information side of our brain. Take time to pause and reflect, noticing your emotions. Allow space for integrating your emotions and intellect by being aware of what you are thinking and how that connects with what you are feeling.
We take care of the relational part of ourselves by connecting with others. This type of connection needs to be positive, encouraging, and filling. You walk away from your time having been recharged, not drained.
Look back over the last week. How have you done with carving out time to take care of yourself spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally? Do you notice the impact this had on your journey?
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