It Might Be You

It Might Be You

Are those around you starting to drive you bananas? When we are stuck together for awhile it tends to bring out the worst in others…and us. If you’re frustrated with another, you might not need to look very far to find the root of the problem. It might be you!

Shocking, huh? We are so quick to assign blame to others but often we are the culprit. Take a look at what’s going on in your relationships. Before you start to assume someone else needs to do the changing, take a look at what you might be doing, saying, not doing or not saying that is contributing. 

You know the saying, it takes two to Tango? You’re on a relational dance floor and unless you are dealing with a person who has a personality disorder (which only accounts for about 10% of the population) you are likely engaging in as many steps or more than your dance partner. We don’t like that. We like to believe we’re right and the other person has serious problems. The flaw in this is you will then spend so much time looking at the other person’s faults you will completely miss your own.

People have ended relationships erroneously believing it was the other person’s fault. If they had just taken the time to do some serious self-reflecting and stop placing the all blame on the other, they might be in a healthy relationship and avoid repeating the same pattern again and again. 

Next time you are in a disagreement, step back and find out what’s your part.

Mid-argument Breathing

Ever find yourself in an argument with someone? Me, too! A tool that I find particularly useful is breathing. Yep, I said breathing. Breathe slowly and deeply a few times when you notice a conversation is beginning to get intense. Then, throughout the discussion continue to consciously slow your breathing. Deep breathing helps get much needed oxygen to your brain which in turn can help you think more clearly and be less reactionary. It can also help you relax and perhaps ward off the fight or flight response. Remind yourself as you breathe that you do not need to be in fight or flight mode. Yes, this may be an intense moment in your life but not anything that is truly attacking your very existence.