by Karen Thacker | Nov 13, 2019 | Acceptance, Anna, Awareness, Duke Lung Transplant, Emotional Healing, Growth, Healing, Integration, Recovery, Self-Help
Anna is slowly healing. She goes to Pulmonary Rehab Monday through Friday where she walks, bikes, lifts tiny weights, and stretches. Tuesdays are the exception because that’s the day she goes to the clinic to see various medical personnel and her counselor. Yesterday, while waiting for her during one of her appointments, I was reading Jesus Calling. It’s a daily encouragement…like God calling you to tell you just how much He loves you.
It started out, “This is a time of abundance in your life…you are now traipsing through lush meadows drenched in warm sunshine…” at about this point I literally sighed, scoffing at these words. Abundance?!? A Meadow?!? Uh, no, I’m sitting in a hallway-turned-waiting-room on a rain soaked, dreary Durham day. My daughter is struggling to recover from her lung transplant. This isn’t my home. I am not working because I am busy taking care of my daughter and without working in my counseling practice I don’t make money. Hello! Abundance??? I don’t think so.
It was a lovely rant. As I stopped to take a breath, I realized instantly that I had missed the point. All those things that are hard in my life right now are true. I am also deeply loved by God. I could stop here and that would be enough. But wait! There’s more! My daughter is being cared for by one of the top lung transplant teams in the country. We are warm and dry on this cold wet day. I have access to healthy food and clean water…I am living in abundance! Sometimes it just takes tilting my brain to see things from a new perspective.
by Karen Thacker | Sep 21, 2018 | Acceptance, Anna, Depression, Emotional Healing, Growth, Processing Thoughts and Emotions, Recovery, Self-Help
My neighbor has a home in Morehead City, NC. A fun little beach cottage she and her husband just finished remodeling and it sits right in the path of Hurricane Florence. We chatted at the mailbox last night about holding things loosely and doing the next right thing. Often when faced with some sort of adversity we may freak out, which doesn’t really help us at all. Other times we may try not being bothered in the least, which isn’t actually real. Either option is an extreme and extremes don’t tend to be beneficial.
So what does balanced look like? It’s when we are aware of the emotional impact of whatever is happening but we don’t allow the situation to own us. In my neighbor’s case, she feels the sadness of what might happen but recognizes she doesn’t actually know yet so she is holding some hope that perhaps things will be fine and if not she will then deal with it. Her words, “I’m taking the next right step.”
Closer to home, Anna (my daughter) is going through chronic rejection of her transplanted lungs. I’m focusing on what we know now: she’s fine, she’s humming along living her life even though she is well aware her lungs are failing. This is a slow progression for the time being so no action is necessary at this time. Anna understands this balance of living in reality but not letting her emotions take control. From her blog post in July:
“…yet as with all my fears they turn out to be not so bad and the things that suck are things I never really saw coming. Trust me I know from experience God really meant it when he said “DO NOT BE AFRAID”. There really is no point, it does nothing but get us all worked up, steal our present moments and lock us in a box of fear. Everything I have ever been afraid of happening that has happened was actually okay, there was no reason to get all worked up. And yet God also knew what he was doing when he said it over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over …. okay you get the point. Not being afraid is something I have to constantly remind myself. My latest mantra is the little bit of the song “don’t worry, about a thing, cuz every little thing is gonna be alright” and it is true!”
“Every little thing is gonna be alright” doesn’t mean everything will turn out as we want it to, but whatever it is, we can grow through it step by step.
by Karen Thacker | Mar 1, 2018 | Self-Help
Some of you have asked how Anna is doing so I thought I should write another post to keep you in the loop 🙂 Her lung functions continue to decline. From September to February she dropped 30%. If she continues at that pace, she will need another lung transplant before the year ends. Yesterday she was given Campath, a chemo drug that will reduce her immune system considerably. The hope is to stop the body from attacking her lungs. She will go back to Duke in early April to check her lung function and find out if the Campath helped. The future looks like a lot of “wait and see” (which is the reality for everyone!).
We are living in the moment not freaking out about all the “could be’s”. I continue to grow in this mind set, reminding myself that worrying doesn’t do anything to change reality. This approach does not mean sticking my head in the sand either. It’s an acceptance of reality, researching options and holding loosely to the outcome. I just keep getting opportunities to practice this with big ticket circumstances 🙂
Thank you to all who are holding Anna in your prayers and thoughts. She needs all the support she can get!
by currantdesignsllc | Jan 6, 2018 | Acceptance, Emotional Healing, Self-Help
Anna has returned home from Duke Hospital! She is laying low and doing her best to avoid all the nasty germs since her immune system is not strong. She is getting back to just living a normal life. She will return to her new apartment in Phoenix next week. She is in a friend’s wedding next weekend and then she will start her internship at Southwest Behavioral Health.
I asked her how she is doing with her diagnosis of chronic rejection. She said she is choosing not to think about it. There is nothing she can do to change it. Moping around about it sucks life out of her and makes the present very gloomy. She is living in the moment of what is rather than what could be. She spent some time crying about it and then wiped her tears and said, “OK.”
I’m sure those tears will crop back up now and then. She’ll feel them and then continue to move forward. That’s the healthiest way to deal with the harsh realities of life. She sets a fabulous model for all of us as we face our own challenges, disappointments, and pain. Feel them if they are real, let the tears fall, and then wipe our eyes and move on. Live in the now, not the ‘what could be’.
by currantdesignsllc | Jan 1, 2018 | Self-Help
2018 is starting out well! Anna has tolerated the rATG very well. The worst side effect so far has been a headache. That’s it! Yay!!! Thank you all for your continued support! It will take time before we know if the chronic rejection stops stealing her lung capacity. I’m assuming she will be followed fairly closely to keep an eye on it. I’ll keep you posted. For now, I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief. She still has a few days of being in the hospital while continuing the rATG treatment. I have returned home due to a work obligation. She is in good hands though! Besides our wonderful friends and family in North Carolina, her boyfriend, Michael is keeping a close eye on her 🙂