by Karen Thacker | Feb 7, 2019 | Uncategorized
Codependency and boundaries go together like exhaustion and sleep. Essentially, boundaries are the antidote to codependency. Codependency has many nuances but in a nutshell it is thinking for others. If you are codependent it could be that you think you know what others want from you and function in a way to get their approval. It may be that you rescue, save or solve for others, believing it’s out of the kindness of your heart, but deep down it’s your way of gaining a sense of purpose or validation. Most people, if not all, have some codependent traits.
When it comes to boundaries, the most obvious is your skin. You are responsible for everything from the outermost layer of your skin, in. Our skin literally separates us from others. You are not responsible for others, unless they are incapable of caring for themselves, for instance, your three year old child but not your 30 year old! Boundaries also clarify what you like and don’t like. You develop a clear sense of who you are. This clear understanding is not based on what others want from you (or what you think they might want from you) but on what you want or think or agree with or…
Use your Awareness skills to notice when you are being codependent and begin to define where you begin and end.
To learn more, check out the Journey Forward Workbook. Another option is the Journey Forward Workbook Video Series designed for those who prefer an audio/visual presentation of the information in the Workbook. It will be available very soon on my website: Journey Forward for Life. If you want to get on my email list and find out as soon as it’s available click the “Sign Up Now’ button.
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by Karen Thacker | Jan 30, 2019 | Uncategorized
When we are willing to take the time to process through our emotions and thoughts, we give ourselves a gift. It’s the gift of time before reacting. So often we react instantaneously without slowing down and thinking through what’s going on within ourselves. The very first step in processing thoughts and emotions is from Tip #1: Awareness. You have to know what you are feeling and thinking in order to process them.
The process is fairly basic. Identify your thoughts and emotions. Understand how they are connected. Put your thoughts through the fact-checker filter. If it’s not based on fact and is a created story, it’s generally best to let go of the thought. If the thought is based in truth and reality, allow yourself to feel the accompanying emotion for a time. Find out where you have some responsibility or power regarding the situation and take appropriate action (keep it healthy, legal and wise!). If there’s not much you can do, enact self care (again, keep it healthy, legal and wise!).
To learn more, check out the Journey Forward Workbook. Another option is the Journey Forward Workbook Video Series designed for those who prefer an audio/visual presentation of the information in the Workbook. It will be available very soon on my website: Journey Forward for Life. If you want to get on my email list and find out as soon as it’s available click the “Sign Up Now’ button.
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by Karen Thacker | Jan 10, 2019 | Awareness, Journey Forward Workbook, Uncategorized
Awareness is the foundation to any change you want to make. Focusing your attention on your mind and body will help you become aware of what you are doing and why you are doing it. When you understand what you are doing, saying, not doing, or not saying, you have a much better chance at actually changing.
Awareness involves giving attention to what you are thinking, emotions you are feeling and body sensations you are experiencing, without judgment. As you notice a thought, let’s say it’s anger, your role is not to judge the anger or tell yourself you shouldn’t be angry. If you feel tension in your lower back, stay away from reprimanding yourself for not exercising. If you are thinking your boss is an idiot, stay away from shaming yourself. At the awareness phase, it’s all about noticing, just noticing. Awareness without judgment. In the change process, there’s a place for deciding what you want to do about your thought, emotion or body sensation, but it’s not in the awareness phase.
Begin taking time each day simply to notice yourself. Notice your thoughts, emotions and body sensations without judgement. For some, writing these observations down is helpful, for others it’s not. Do what works for you. The most important piece is that you notice and grow in your awareness of yourself.
I’m super excited (emotion) about a new video series I have created (thought). I am aware of a bubbly feeling in my body (body sensation). It’s the Journey Forward Workbook Video Series designed for those who prefer an audio/visual presentation of the information in the Workbook. It will be available very soon right here on the Journey Forward for Life website!
by currantdesignsllc | Feb 26, 2013 | Uncategorized
It’s a good thing that I didn’t think about the pain of my surgery. I could never have imagined it being as painful as it was. Had I given it much thought I might not have had the surgery. The purpose was to fix a misaligned bone in my foot. That one error was wreaking havoc on the big toe joint. I developed bone spurs and destroyed the cartilage. This made walking painful. I love walking! I won’t know for awhile if the surgery was successful, but I am content knowing I tried.
After 11 days of doing nothing, I am active again. I am actually at day 14 today. It feels good to think clearly. I literally couldn’t do anything but lay on the couch for 9 days. By Day 10 I could begin to do simple things like finding pins I liked on Pinterest. Today, I can write. I had no idea my mind and ability to function would be so compromised during the initial healing process after my surgery. I know some days were due to the anesthesia, some to pain medication, and some were simply a result of my body’s demand that I be still. When my body finally released me to be active again, it was nearly a 180 degree shift. I’m on crutches and can put a tiny bit of weight on my foot, so I am certainly not back to my full self, but I’m vertical more than I am horizontal these days.
I have such appreciation for my body…I would do well to listen carefully to it.
by currantdesignsllc | Jan 30, 2013 | Uncategorized
I have mentioned in previous posts about my participation in John Townsend’s Counselor Training Program. I’m with talented people who inspire me to grow. We get down deep into our own issues, letting all parts of ourselves rise to the surface in a sweet dance of vulnerability. I have a history of being a people-pleasing, perfectionistic co-dependent. In December, Dr. Townsend gave us a chance to practice leading a role-play method of group counseling. I really wanted to take a shot at it, but I felt a lot of fear as I blurted out, “I’ll volunteer!” Dr. Townsend sensed my fear and asked me about it. Over the next ten minutes tears streamed down my face while I faced the group and let them know how fearful I was of their judgement and rejection. It was a pivotal moment for me. After hearing authentic affirmations from the group, I dried my tears and bumbled my way through leading Dr. Townsend on a mock role-play. After the initial fear died down, I felt exhilaration coursing through my veins. I got into it and put aside any need for approval. It didn’t matter if i did it “right”. I was totally open to the journey of learning, not the destination of perfection. In that moment I crossed the threshold into freedom. This was one of those experiences that you simply must have for yourself to fully grasp the power of that moment. Some of us get so locked into wondering what others want and trying to please them, that we miss out on actually living our own life. That is not how we must live. For me, freedom was found in opening up with a trusted group and sharing my deeply ingrained fear of rejection. Vulnerability was the path and genuine acceptance of me, flaws and all, was the antidote.
by currantdesignsllc | Aug 13, 2012 | Uncategorized
In An Alternative to the Emotional Band-Aid I introduced an awareness technique that is useful for processing emotions. This is a follow-up to that post. One of the steps in the process is validating your emotion. I am a firm believer in the concept that our emotions never lie to us. They simply let us know our reaction to our thoughts. When we question the validity of an emotion, it would be helpful to question our thoughts. Our thoughts are where we run into trouble. Think about this for a moment. I can stand here and tell myself horrible things are happening to my children. I can actually get myself to panic and even cry. Actors do this frequently to create authentic tears. The tears may be real but the thoughts are not. This is called creating a story or catastrophizing, making things much worse than they really are.
To help us in our quest for emotional health, it is imperative that we look at the thoughts behind our emotion: are they real, based in fact? Imagine standing before a judge in a court of law, would the evidence for your emotion be admissible or thrown out? Here is an example: Let’s say your boyfriend just broke up with you. You are heartbroken by the loss of the relationship. As you are crying about the break-up, you start to imagine yourself alone for the rest of your life and you go into an emotional spiral. What is true and what is the story? The truth is that you are heartbroken by the loss of the relationship (I’m assuming it was a real relationship and it meant something to you). The story is you will be alone for the rest of your life. How do you know that? Can you look into the future? I don’t believe we have the ability to know for certain what is going to happen to us. I don’t think a psychic can even do that with 100% accuracy.
The facts are sad enough sometimes. The last thing we need to do to ourselves is add to the intensity with some created story. As you go about your day, notice your emotions and the thoughts behind them. Are you creating stories? Separate the facts from fiction; as Joe Friday on Dragnet would say, “Just the facts ma’am [or sir!].” Allow yourself to feel the emotions tied to facts and let go of the things that are not.
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