by Karen Thacker | Jul 2, 2020 | Acceptance, Growth, Healing
We forget some of the principles this country was founded on. Yes, it was for freedom. Freedom not to be under a tyrannical government. Freedom for its citizens to practice their own religion, get a good education, move from one class system into another, have a voice in the way the government was run, and freedom to care for one another. The founding members of this country wanted to escape an oppressive and unfair government. An ocean wasn’t enough to create the kind of country they wanted to live in so they rose up and said, “No! We are going to create a country where all people have rights to a better life in the way they want to live it.” Actually, at the beginning it was only white men who had rights. The founding fathers (they were all white men) didn’t fully understand they weren’t really forming a free country for all, just men. So they were misguided. As a nation we had some learning to do and since then we have learned and advanced into a truly free country for all, on paper anyway.
This isn’t a Christian nation. It was founded by men, most of whom acknowledged there was a God, but that doesn’t mean the nation belongs to any religious practice but does allow all religions to be practiced. That alone is a big deal. Right now in this world people are imprisoned for practicing a religion other than the government approved religion. We are not that country.
The United States is a place of freedom for all. The preamble of the Constitution sums up what this country is founded on best: “We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”
The role of the government and citizens of this wonderful experiment is to support justice, do what we can to insure peace for everyone (domestic tranquility) as well as support one another to have basic physical, social and economic needs met (promote general welfare). We are to think about how our actions will affect the general population.
We are given the freedom to thrive and grow in an environment where we are protected and provided for. We can get an education and become a productive adult within our society to add to the domestic tranquility, demonstrate justice, participate in the common defense and ensure the blessings of liberty continue for the generations to follow.
Sadly, many people have forgotten these basic tenets our country was founded on. We do things that benefit only ourselves. We cut corners to save ourselves money (or make more) but then sometimes in the process we hurt others (letting toxic waste flow into a stream is cheaper than processing it in a safer way so the waste doesn’t end up in drinking water that damages others). Laws have had to be added to help protect us when people don’t care. We don’t like laws. I don’t think our founding fathers intended for us to have so many laws but I think they were naive and blinded to their own selfishness: women didn’t have rights, slavery was legal, and they viewed Native Americans as savages, just to name a few.
We’ve had to do a lot of growing as individuals and as a nation. We’ve had to enact laws to step in and make it harder to violate justice, domestic tranquility and general welfare. As technology and situations change, new laws have to be put in place to address the ways we hurt others. And on this July 4th, the hot topic is wearing masks. We need to ask what is the reason for wearing one? Is it recommended so the government can take away your rights or is it because they believe it is in the best interest of people (general welfare and domestic tranquility)? I don’t like wearing a mask at all. I wear one because I want to do what I can to help others and it just might help. I care about the common good not just my good.
As we approach the celebration of the founding of this truly wonderful country, memorize the preamble (School House Rock put it to music way back when I was young, it’s catchy and easy to remember). Put what you do through the filter of: is it just, does it perpetuate domestic tranquility, does it promote the general welfare of others, will it be a benefit to future generations? Take on the role of bringing goodness and kindness not only to our country but also to this world. It will create a free and peaceful existence for you, too!
by Karen Thacker | Jun 28, 2020 | Acceptance, Awareness, Disagreements, Growth, Healing, Recovery, Relationships, Self-Help
My heart is grieved. I see so much hate being thrown around on social media and in the news from Black Lives Matter to Anti-Mask protests and beyond. I’m pretty sure people on all sides of the issues are not stupid, wicked people. I think, for the most part, we are all scared and hurting in some way. Some fear the loss of control, “If I give in to the demand to wear a mask you’re going to just keep taking away my rights.” Some fear culpability, “If I say black lives matter, then I have to admit there is something inside of me that thought they didn’t or perhaps I am some how complicit in their oppression.” Some fear the loss of protection, “If you don’t wear a mask you might infect me.”
I think our hate for those on the other side of an issue comes from fear, anger or sadness. I think the fear, anger or sadness come from wounds from our distant or not so distant past. We were hurt in some way and now we let that hurt spew out on others. We were oppressed by another, we experienced hurt at the intentional or unintentional words or actions of another, we felt misunderstood, unheard, or not good enough to another. Something happened and the hate toward others started to take root and grow into something dark and hurtful inside. Left unhealed, we just repeat what was done to us, only we think we are justified some how. We’re not. We’re just as guilty as the person who hurt us. We are repeating the cycle.
We have this wonderful aspect to our humanity that enables us to change. We can look at ourselves, learn about the hurtful parts of us, heal the pain, and function in a kind, understanding way toward ourselves and others. This takes work. It takes humility and it’s worth it. I don’t say this from an “I’m all that” place but rather from knowing what it’s like to be the one hurting others, doing the hard work with others by my side to delve into the why, and find healing. I’m not always good at it but I try to see the other side. I try to understand where the other is coming from rather than demand I’m right and you’re wrong. It’s freeing, really it is. It feels so much better to put down my arsenal of attacks and listen instead. I don’t have to agree with you to listen and understand your view. Listening to you helps me soften. We might not end the conversation in agreement, but we will still be friends. Try it, you might find freedom if you do. 🙂
by Karen Thacker | Jun 5, 2020 | Acceptance, Awareness, Growth, Relationships
I posted this in 2017 and it’s time to bring it back.
“The challenge is to always do what is right and good and true, even if others don’t appreciate it. Making the world a better place can’t depend on applause. You have to keep striving, no matter what, because if you don’t, many of the things that need to be done in our world will never get done.” ~ Kent M. Keith, author of Anyway – The Paradoxical Commandments
The Paradoxical Commandments by Keith M. Kent:
- People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
- If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
- If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
- The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
- Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
- The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
- People favor underdogs but follow top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
- What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
- People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
- Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
I resonate with Kent Keith’s ideas. Our job is to leave a positive mark on this planet through our actions and words. Our ripples may be small or large. The size isn’t the point. The healthiest approach is to detach from the outcome or reach of the good we do and do good anyway! 🙂
by Karen Thacker | Jun 1, 2020 | Acceptance, Growth, Relationships
What’s happening right now is really hard to write about. I rarely hit the delete button while writing but today I am on my third attempt to say something helpful. As I write I wonder how my words will be taken. Will they be twisted? Will they be misunderstood? Will they seem too simplistic? Trite? I think a lot of us don’t know what to do or say.
I feel a wave of tears, a breaking inside for humanity. We can be so cruel to one another. I’ve been there…I’ve been the one doing the hurting and I have been hurt. We have this amazing combination of love and hate inside each one of us. The propensity to create as well as destroy.
Somehow we have not annihilated ourselves. I hold on to the hope that this will be another step toward growth, healing and leaving behind a better place for future generations.
by Karen Thacker | Apr 21, 2020 | Acceptance, Awareness, Emotions, Growth, Self-Help
When really awful things are happening, sometimes little comforts make a big difference. People are struggling. They are starving, homeless, isolated, and sick. And yet, I felt disappointed when our crabapple tree blossoms succumbed to a recent spring freeze. On one hand it seemed myopic and childish to feel so sad. People are fighting to live. Not seeing crabapple blossoms is nothing compared to that. I get it, I do. I also believe we need to honor even the little things.
I love spring and everything that represents it. The warmer temperatures, longer days, and many blossoms that grace the stage for a handful of days fill my soul. When I saw the brown bits on the ground below the crabapple tree, I realized they were the life-cut-short embryonic buds of my treasured flowers. Their beauty will never be seen, their fragrance will never fill the air. Maybe they represent more than just a passage of seasons. Maybe for me, this year, they represent the hope of better days to come…for all of us.
I know, that sounds dramatic. After all, they are just flowers. I care far more about people and their plight of survival; however, for a moment, I will feel the sadness of this loss. I will grieve the absence of their beauty and heart-warming scent. I will take a deep fragrance-less breath and as I exhale I will remember all the good that still exists. I will do this because I believe the act of grieving, even the little things, ultimately frees me to move forward in life and show up in the midst of the big things.
by Karen Thacker | Apr 14, 2020 | Acceptance, Awareness, Depression, Emotions, Growth, Healing, Self-Help
In December of 2017 I wrote a post with the same title. At that time, my daughter Anna discovered she had both acute and chronic rejection of her transplanted lungs. Chronic rejection led to her need for new lungs this past fall…again! So much of my life in the last six and a half years has been affected by Anna’s declining health, transplants, hospitalizations and unknowns. Today, I’m kind of tired of the unknowns as I sit in this added unknown of COVID 19. I don’t know about you, but right in this moment, I’m over it. Can we just be done? Oh! That’s right, NO! We don’t get to decide that.
I kind of want to have a temper tantrum. I feel two years old and part of me wants to kick and scream on the floor until I get my way. Just a part of me wants to do that. I’m not totally down. In fact, my day started out really well. I was productive. I had a meeting with a client and then I participated in a planning group for an organization I volunteer with. Activities that fill me. But then I sat down and thought about what I wanted to write for this blog post and this is what’s coming out.
I’m thinking this is how a lot of you are feeling, too. Some moments are fine, some are great and some suck! Yes? The stay-in-place extension may be taking its toll. We sometimes cling to a number. “I can do this until April 12.” But when April 12 comes and goes and we are still confined to our homes it can feel depressing. Are you feeling that, too?
There’s no magic. There’s no healthy formula to not feel depressed or sad or mad. In fact, I believe ignoring our emotions will take its toll at some point during our lives. It’s best to honor your emotion. Let the tears roll down your cheeks or have a safe temper tantrum on your bed. Tell a friend or family member how you are feeling. Then, find something you can do that feels good to you. I have a cleaning project I’d like to tackle (not the most fun but it will feel good to get it done).
We can do this. We can take it breath by breath, emotion by emotion. I hear Dory from Finding Nemo sweetly reminding us, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…” So that’s what we will do.
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