As I drove home from visiting my daughter at the hospital yesterday, I noticed one small space filled with brilliant light amidst a very dark sky. I thought about how I am clinging to that kind of space in my life right now. The challenges we face in life can be like the blackness of the rest of the sky. It seems the intent is to swallow us up. And yet, that bit of light is what keeps us going. I imagined myself perched in the lower corner of the clouds with one leg hanging in the darkness and the other on the side of the light, leaning my back against the curve of the clouds, resting my head in their softness, facing the light, soaking it in. Finding my strength in that space.
I am not alone in my challenges. Many of you can identify with the uncertainty of life. With news that changes everything in the midst of a heartbeat. We need to be reminded of the light, especially when it appears as though we are surrounded by a swallowing sort of darkness. Find the people and situations that move you toward hope, toward rest, toward balance. Lean into them. This is a time in your life when you cannot do it on your own. Don’t try, it’s not going to work. Many have gone before us and passed on their wisdom to us. We might as well do what they say. Life, I find, is much harder when I don’t listen.
Anna update: My daughter ended up in the hospital last weekend with crazy fevers. It’s been a long week. We had only been home four days when she got sick again. She’s doing well now and should be coming home tomorrow. The good news out of all this is she’ll likely be doing the rest of her chemo treatments locally instead of returning to Duke every three weeks. The risks involved with traveling are too great for her right now. I feel relieved to have her so close to Drs who can help us right away. She’ll be getting lab draws twice a week to keep tabs on her ever dwindling red and white blood cells. She’s been needing blood transfusions about every 10 days lately. I think it’s about time I made a deposit into the blood bank! 🙂